Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Only 3 weeks passed.

I've been waiting for it. I knew it was coming.

It all begins with soco amaretto lime.
I'm glad it's dark, then no on sees the tears gleaming in my eyes.
It hurts.
Then, as I read Jenna's post, it all hits me and the tears begin to flow.
I sob uncontrollably for a while.

There are so many things he is going to miss.
ALL my important dating years.
The next season of Fantasy Factory.
The kids growing up.
Me growing up.
My highschool graduation.
The dances of mine.
My 17th birthday.
My 18th birthday.
Where do I go for boy advice?
What do I do when I don't know what to wear?
Who will tell me I look ridiculous and to put on some real clothes?
Who will I fight with over dishes?

Things are weird. I'm the only one not married at the family events.

He never finished teaching me how to drive a stick.

There will be no more moments where he dances in the kitchen, and I tell him to stop dancing, but not before he tells me they call him the smooth criminal.
2 more years will pass before he tells me to listen to this great song on his ipod.

There won't be anymore times when he picks me up to go to lunch, just because.
There won't be times when we go to dinner because mom and dad are on a date.
Or when we go to the mall together.

He won't get a song stuck in my head because he was singing it in the kitchen.
I can't fight over the t.v.
No more playing the new video game we got for christmas almost non stop during the break.

Now, I laugh at moms' jokes on my own.
But each time, it makes me sad because he's not here to laugh with me and tell her that wasn't funny. When she asks why we're laughing we would say because it was so dumb. But really it was funny.


I remember listening to mix tape by brand new with him and cali, in the car.
I remember it like it was yesterday.
He began talking about the Golden Boyz.
We were in the van, going somewhere, I don't even remember. But I remember everything else so clearly.

I wish he would've stayed 18 forever.

I don't want him to be different when he comes back.
I want the same Jaden that left.
I want the same sense of humor.
I want the same taste in music.
I want the same obsessions.
He'll be weird, of course, for a while.
But I hope he's the same after.

He's different already, I could tell in the 1 minute I talked to him on the phone. I can't explain how but he was. It was a good different though, the kind a missionary needs to be.

I miss him so much it hurts.
Sometimes I can't help but just sob.
I know what he is doing is right, and I'm so proud of him.
But that doesn't take it away.

3 weeks down.

3 comments:

the carlisle said...

i sense a need for all you can eat dessert pizza.

Jenna said...

sheesh, my post now yours. what is this world coming to? love you cailey!

Cali Haynie Rutter said...

It is sad. And I feel sad that he'll be missing all of these great events. But just remember that he is making memories of his own and changing peoples lives forever. Those people need him more than we do.