Friday, July 8, 2011

when i try to be funny, i come across more 'socially awkward' than 'tina fey"

which is precisely why i could not write for SNL, you have to try to be funny and write skits. i would not be accepted there.

so, the reason i speak about SNL and Tina Fey, is because i'm currently reading bossypants by tina fey. it's basically really really ridiculously funny. (you may insert good looking and make the blue steele face if so desired right now.)
so then i thought, hey maybe i should write a book about my life.
and then i thought, wait. my life is super boring, what would the book be about?
which is where my current thought process is, and how the pizza i'm eating is kind of cold, dangit.

so, here is an excerpt from the book i have not written about my life and will never write unless i become ridiculously famous and marry justin bieber. then i will write it and this blog post will be chapter one. comment if you want to be featured in a new york best seller.

You know those movies that are ridiculously stupid, cheesy, and completely unreal? the ones that you hate but you can't stop watching it because you have to see who's bra they put in the freezer? ok, now that you have the movie in your head, let me give you the scene. it's new years eve and the main girl who is somewhat socially awkward and her best friend throw a party, a party no one shows up to?
one time, that was me. i attempted to throw a huge new years eve bash, and not one person showed up. in my time of social awkwardness and general teenage anger, i learned a couple things.
1) never throw a new years eve party, ever.
2) never throw a party, ever.
3) nothing bonds best friends quite like a failure of a party in which you spent an 80$ combined total buying food you'd have to eat yourself.

If this book was a chicken soup for the soul type deal, i may go on to explain how i learned from this experience, and how true friends will always be there, even when no one shows up to your party. But this isn't chicken soup for the soul and i have something to say to those who didn't show. [Hahaha. bet you wish you showed up to that party now huh? now that i'm married to JB and ridiculously famous with ferraris as pocket change. you could've said you were once in attendance to the party of the century with cailey bieber. eat it.] i hope you enjoy this book. and maybe even buy it for your great aunt's daughter's best friend's brother's future wife.

the title is in the works.
but i figure since justin and i are currently separated while he dates selena, i've got time before my fame and love and fruit smelling babies.

2 comments:

Hippie Grandma said...

i would read your book.
i'd make a tradition out of it.
i'd pull it out every fall or the christmas season.
because that little snippet was beyond fantastic.
'specially when you said,
"[Hahaha. bet you wish you showed up to that party now huh? now that i'm married to JB and ridiculously famous with ferraris as pocket change. you could've said you were once in attendance to the party of the century with cailey bieber. eat it.]"
the best.

Jessica said...

Hey ya! I got this award thing, and I am suppose to pass it on. so I am passing it on to you. Check out my latest post to see about it.
http://jessica-alwaysenjoyingthejourney.blogspot.com/